Game Date 1.P.o.P

“FARAH!!  FARAH!!!  FAR...  Who are you?” “I’m Elika.  The person who is going to get in your way when you’re trying to leap from wooden planks or climb up a wall. Every time,”  “Oh...why should I give a rats ass about you then?”  “Because I’m the only one who can save the world from eternal night.”  “But it looks fine to me.” “Oh I’m about to lead my father to the temple of the god of Darkness so he can start the apocalypse,” “Why would you do that?” “Shut up and follow my beautiful ass,” “........Okay.”  

And this is how I felt at the beginning of Prince of Persia.  I played this game on the xbox when it first came out and rather enjoyed it.  But now that I have actually played good video games, this second run through isn’t doing much to help that opinion.  Prince of Persia takes place somewhere sandy.  Like really fucking sandy.  Like sand forever trapped firmly within every one of your orifices.  You are greeted with the familiar name that we all know and love.  Farah.  This is what the prince is yelling when he enters the game.  “HOORAY!!” goes my nostalgia bone which is very quickly snapped and drained of bone marrow by the reboot monster.  Because he isn’t looking for the mysterious assassin girl of the original games.  No.  He is looking for his donkey.  What the FUCK!  Not two minutes into the game am I slapped the face with the reboot stick.  We are then very quickly introduced to Elika who is running away from her father for whatever reason.  I then follow her because I’m a gentleman or because I want to get in her pants.  Haven’t decided yet.  We get to this bigass tree temple which is holding Aramashmalamdin.  There’s a fight between the prince and Elika’s dad, the king.  Remember when combat was fun and difficult in the first game and you really had to time counters and you had a shitload of enemies to deal with.  NOT THIS GAME!!  This game was like FUCK combat.  It’s so painfully easy to kill everything,combos are stupidly simple, and every one of the monsters you fight in the game, save the “Boss battles” have instant deaths if you get them to the edge.  The combat isn’t a challenge.  It’s a nuisance.  So cling-clang, daddy’s pissed, chops down the tree.  Then shit hits the fan and aramioshfghofhn is escaping.  So begins the meat of the game.  Next post is gonna be abo.....GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY ELIKA!!  I JUST WANT TO TYPE!!